A Million Little Theories
I think I know why the whole motorcycle thing has been bothering me so much. When I first left India, or I guess when I first got here, all I wanted to do was go on this huge binge of domesticity - I haven't had my own place that I could really take care of and set up the way I wanted to before. I shared a house in college and I didn't have a whole lot of say over my apartments in India, plus I was never anywhere long enough to bother with really doing things right. Anyway, I really enjoyed getting to do all of those little things right at first and was totally happy with the calm, domestic Americanism of my life here. The problem is that it wore off. Every day is the same in a place like this. I don't mean Lawrence, I mean it seems like we've civilized ourselves to death in this country. (Here's where I spout off half-baked theories.) I mean, the most adventurous thing I'm doing in life right now is trying to pay my rent. And although this is no small feat on $150 a week (yeah that's right. When am I going to get a real job?) it's not even remotely satisfying. Now, of course I'm not saying that no one lives well in America. I've known plenty of people who had found their own way to live honestly and with courage and have done it with grace, perhaps the most difficult part. My point is that we make it so easy to live complacently behind closed doors, controlling the details of our own lives without venturing beyond them.
People need adventures. People need to break new ground for themselves on a regular basis. To defeat a some fear and live down some sense of danger and live up to a personal challenge. I guess I just haven't really figured out how to do that here. And I really think this is more of a cultural problem than a personal one. What other culture has such an obsessive fascination with video games or extreme sports? Or is so fat and wealthy but at the same time so sated with methods of escapism and so full of self-pity? Not even to mention our levels of fear in general. I firmly believe that the less you confront and face down your fears the more they start to seep into your life until they eventually just take over and you spend your life avoiding pain or danger instead of actually living. I guess this is what I'm afraid of now. Finding a way to live here without falling into the monotonous habits of continual distractions that mean nothing. And that's really scary.
People need adventures. People need to break new ground for themselves on a regular basis. To defeat a some fear and live down some sense of danger and live up to a personal challenge. I guess I just haven't really figured out how to do that here. And I really think this is more of a cultural problem than a personal one. What other culture has such an obsessive fascination with video games or extreme sports? Or is so fat and wealthy but at the same time so sated with methods of escapism and so full of self-pity? Not even to mention our levels of fear in general. I firmly believe that the less you confront and face down your fears the more they start to seep into your life until they eventually just take over and you spend your life avoiding pain or danger instead of actually living. I guess this is what I'm afraid of now. Finding a way to live here without falling into the monotonous habits of continual distractions that mean nothing. And that's really scary.
posted by sarah at 1:13 PM
3 Comments:
You hit the nail on the head.
I'm scared of that, too.
I've had some adventures and I've faced some big fears.
It gets harder once you settle into marriage and family life. The culture is a large part of it, but I still believe that our hearts tend toward self-protection in a million ways every day, no matter where we are. God help us. We need to see Jesus for all that He is.
That's exactly it. Our hearts do tend toward self-protection and I guess that's what I can feel settling in even stronger. (Note to self: avoid marriage and family life at all costs. Just kidding) :)
indeed. we settle so easily into routines. some people seek that our & others find it, only for it to quickly grow old. for example, the past few days i have noticed that every morning i get up, make myself some tea or coffee. while that is steeping/brewing, i put away last night's dishes. already i'm a bit tired of that. what happens in 10 years?
that said, i think our culture--and maybe all others too?--are ruled by fear. fear of the routine; fear of breaking the routine. so how do we keep fear from being our primary motivator?
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